I love when she first arrives in Italy and says:
"There’s a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging, “Dear saint—please, please, please…give me the grace to win the lottery.” This lament goes on for months. Finally the exasperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in weary disgust, “My son—please, please, please – buy a ticket.”
....."Now, I get the joke and I've got three lottery tickets..."
Well, Liz Gilbert, I too have 3 lottery tickets! AND I CASH THE FIRST ONE IN TODAY!
I can hardly believe it! To recap, especially for those just joining us, in February I found out that I did not receive a writing fellowship I desperately wanted that would afford me a year of travelling.... my very own Eat, Pray, Love year. I had read the book a mere 6 months before while perched on the precipice of demise specifically in regards to a relationship that so closely mirrored Liz and David that practically the entire first chapters are higlighted and dog-eared. After the fellowship disappointment, I fell into a pretty dark funk and blah, blah, blah decided to make my E, P, L experience on my own terms.... So here I am, an hour and a half from Rochelle picking me up to take me to the airport. And just as I had predicted, the enormity of all this is hitting me today. The butterflies in my stomach are obviously on steroids or genetically modified in some way, because Whoa! Even Zoe knows today's 'it', and she's been sleeping on top of our kitchen cupboards and avoiding me :-( So then the waterworks began when I was talking to my mom and she said, "Today's the day! I'm sooo excited for you and sooooo proud of you!" Then as I was headed to the Baldwin Hills Stairs one last time, Rochelle called and just said, "So how are you?" .... Again, cue the faucet as I choked out, "Emotional!" I spent the first lap of stairs making people uncomfortable with my PDE - Public Display of Emotion. It's good for them ;-)
I'm not second-guessing anything by any means.... it's just that this is BIG and it all starts in a couple hours! I'm nervous and excited and scared and happy and proud. I mean I'm just now realizing that I'm ACTUALLY going to be gone for 4 months! 1/3 of the year! Craziness! But like I have mentioned before, there isn't an option not to do this... I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to... to continue to grow into the person I want to be. It's like when I officially made the decision ( I always knew) I did not want to have children and had my tubes blocked.... I came home, sat outside and cried from that deep, deep well......not because I was sad, but because I was soooo happy that I had taken that step, really honored who I AM and who I want to be.
Unfortunately this post is falling very flat because I can't quite be as specific or eloquent or funny about how I'm feeling as I would like....... I'm overwhelmed.... and crying like a little girl, hahaha!
I have my rose quartz necklace on, a heart shaped rock in my pocket (Thank you 'Chelle!!) an open mind and heart, and my boots are laced .... I guess I'm ready....
“When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision. “ The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Till next time my friends.... I sign off with a song :-) ...
(Just an aside, If you're not taking the time to listen to my songs, you're missing out)
"This fire grows higher..."
"When there's a burning in your heart
An endless yearning in your heart
Build it bigger than the sun
Let it grow, let it grow
When there's a burning in your heart
Don't be alarmed...."
-- You Are a Tourist by Death Cab of Cutie