Sunday, September 30, 2012

Universal Power Play

    As I mentioned in my last post, the hippie PSA, I had a full moon/ fire intention ceremony/ camping weekend planned with Chelle and DeLise. Wwwhhhhellll, clearly THIS hippie was not meant to be apart of said ceremony. We will get there in a moment, first let me jump back a couple days. While talking to Chelle on Wednesday or Thursday, she mentioned having read her September horoscope on Susan Miller's astrology site and getting a pretty accurate summarization. (if you're curious check her out, because it's a reading for the sign as a whole sometimes it's RIGHT on and others not so much - )
Realizing I had not read it in a few months I felt drawn to check it out as well, and the only thing to really stand out was this not so subtle 'warning': "The only exception to the rule of "act in September" is that I would counsel you to stay far away from the difficult full moon, September 29 plus or minus four days. All you can do is make sure you have nothing of enormous importance planned for September 29...Some readers have asked if this is a good time for a trip. I would delay it a week if possible...."
WTF? Well, certainly that can't apply to ME, to MY end of the Cancer range! I have a fire ceremony to attend damnit and intentions to burn! And while I love my share of astrology and horoscopes, I generally am not one to completely change my plans based on it. There was no way I was gonna call the girls and say  "Susan Miller says I need to lay low this weekend so I'm out, sorry." I was 100% married to the idea of this full moon extravaganza so I completely let it go and forgot about it. We had a great time Friday night, like grrrrreat! (despite the fact that some stealthy coons made off with my dark chocolate powerberries right in front of us and proceeded to push at my feet from outside while we slept and started to actually unzip our tent - fuckers!) With my first sip of water though Saturday morning, I did not feel quite right. I wasn't hungry for breakfast, but ate some of it anyway. Thinking I may have been a bit dehydrated from the night before, I drank a liter and a half of water ... and soon felt even more left of center. We took a short hike to the Rose Valley Falls which were stunning! There was hardly any water but it was so lush and green, and the water just beaded on the moss and ferns making the whole thing sparkle. It looked like a fairy water fall.

Both Chelle and DeLise got in the water, but I was already feeling the chills set in so I found a comfy log to lay on while I tried to convince myself I felt fine. But then the yawning started. Shit! For me, when I start yawning continually - like every 45-60 seconds I know it's bad. We head back to camp and they're talking about lunch and booze and I'm thinking I'm still up to my eye balls full with the 2 bites I had at breakfast. AND I've had 50+ oz of water and I haven't peed all day. NOT a good sign. Double-shit! I decide to lay down for a half hour in a tent that was at least 98 degrees but with my chills the sweat lodge type heat felt good....until it didn't and my head began pounding and my eyelids felt weighted, but not sleepy weighted more like, I have a raging fucking fever weighted.  Every sip of water thereafter made me feel like I would vomit.  If I was in fact going to start vomiting, being in a campsite with only pit toilets did not seem all that appealing. I knew I had no choice, I had to go home. The day was only going to get hotter and I knew at this point I was only going to get worse. SHIIIIT!  I crawl out of the sauna to be greeted with "You look haw-rrible!" It wasn't even really up for discussion, it was pretty evident I was in no condition to stay. It was in that moment that I flashed back on Susan's warning, and thought "Huh! I guess she really WAS talking to my end of the Cancer spectrum and I'm really NOT supposed to be here. Well, fuck." I entrusted them with my rather thick portfolio of intentions along with the letters and emails that some of you sent me. They packed up my car and off I went. I felt my fever growing minute by minute and thinking I might actually pass out, I called my mom (which sounded something like 'Mmmommy, I'm siiiick!!') to keep me company on the hour+ drive I would have to endure.
She remembered me mentioning the horoscope after I first read it, and we discussed this unfortunate (because seriously, at this point I wanted to die) but very interesting Universal power play. While I am seriously bummed that I had to miss something that I'd been looking forward to for the last 2-3 weeks I completely trust that it was for a reason.  Now could this also just be a case of 'That sucks, but shit happens'? Yes of course! But I really don't think that applies this time. First, we ALL ate and drank the exact same things. Second, I felt perfectly fine all day Friday and Friday night.... and after my fever of 102 broke at 2am this morning I once again feel more or less perfectly fine. I mean I did have a fairly significant fever so I'm not at 100% ...but not far off. So I'll repeat... an interesting Universal power play. Of course, in preparation for this post I went back again to Susan Miller for a more thorough read through and the following jumped out at me;
"I called this full moon of September 29 a monster full moon for a reason. I am being honest. The mutable signs have had their difficult challenges 2008-2011 and now the cardinal signs, like yours (Cancer, Aries, Libra, and Capricorn) are feeling occasional changes and challenges of their own. These moments clarify situations, so in the end they do help, even if it is not immediately obvious that the universe is actually on your side. Eventually you will see this, but I am not sure if you will immediately."

     In talking to Rochelle about how amazing the night ended up it sounded even more obvious that I wasn't meant to be there... which I will admit makes me sad, but it's ok because I'm trusting :-)
1) The raccoons completely left them alone, so as they were pushing on my feet Friday night they were quite literally trying to push me out. Now since I know you're all dying to know the meaning behind Raccoon, it just so happens that I have my Animal Spirit Guide right here ;-)
"If Raccoon shows up, it means:
  • In spite of any doubts you may have, the resources you need for the current situation are readily available.
  • Rather than being goal oriented, this is a time for indulging your curiosity in open ended exploration.
  • Pay close attention to signs and omens that suggest you're getting messages from the ancestors or your deceased loved ones.
  • It's important to remain emotionally and mentally flexible for the next few days as events will require you to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances."
I need a little more time to process the messages in that for me, so we'll move on....

2) There was meant to be a third person at the fire, but it was supposed to be a man apparently. One of our camp neighbors joined them, and included his own intentions. Balanced female and male energies = more power.

3) As they burned my submission packet for the writing fellowship they read half of them out loud, which I never would have allowed!! hahaha :-)  But that feels like the absolute right thing to have done.

Thank you so much ladies for treating the intentions of mine of others as if they were your own and creating what I have no doubt was an incredibly powerful circle!!!!

    Now, I think between my mom and I, we nailed it or at least got pretty close to the heart of this thing.  My hit on the situation is that for some reason my energy was not meant to 'color' my own intentions nor those of the people I love. I mayhaps have a tendency to want to be in control (ex: not wanting my poetry read aloud) and/or do it all myself. Much of my journey over the last year has been devoted to trusting...trusting myself, trusting others, and trusting the Universe. (And I've been doing a damned good job if I do say so myself.) And this felt like another opportunity. Granted, Rochelle and DeLise are my girls and I trust them emplicitly!!!! But still, I was being asked to entrust someone else with intentions and symbols of those things I really, really, really, really, really, really .... like REALLY want. Maybe that fact alone will have infused them with more power than I ever could. And because I felt so fuckin terrible, I didn't even bat an eye at handing them over.... whereas normally I might've said "No, it's ok I'll do it myself at another time."
     My mom's take on it was focused on my fever. Because I never actually did throw up or have any other normal stomach bug/flu symptoms. She brilliantly observed that I was still having a full moon fire ceremony, only the fire was happening on the inside. The fever fire was burning away unnecessary energies, so I can more readily receive what may possibly come from the intention ceremony.
And if I had remembered before this very moment, she would also have honed in on the 2 other animals that made a special appearance; a deer on the drive in Friday night, and a butterfly Saturday morning. Yep don't worry, book is still out.
"If Deer shows up:
  • More than ever, you need to trust your gut instinct.
  • You're poised for an enticing adventure, one that will take you down many different paths and lead to many important insights."
  • Get ready for a big change, one where an old habit, way of thinking of lifestyle is going out and a new way of being is emerging.
  • It's time to make the changes you've been considering.
  • In spite of the challenges, you'll get through this transition and as always, know "this too shall pass."

I don't have to understand all of it or any of it right now. Like Susan said, "These moments clarify situations, so in the end they do help, even if it is not immediately obvious that the universe is actually on your side."

And so it is.
On to a new month, and a new moon cycle...

Friday, September 21, 2012

A Public Serive Announcement from your resident hippie


     The Autumn Equinox aka Alban Elued aka the 'Harvest Festival' ... is a time of 'thanksgiving' and restored balance, where day and night are of equal length. During this short period of sun and stars being in perfect balance, it's an ideal time to reconcile the opposites within ourselves and bring them back into balance as well. Shine a light on those pairings and notice where you're weighted; light/shadow, young/old, male/female, conscious/unconscious, active/passive, spiritual/material, love/fear.....
    Equinoxes (or is it Equinoxi?) are always a time to stop and make adjustments, preparations for the coming season. At this time, the quote unquote harvest is complete and said preparations must be made for the winter months. Now most of us aren't going to spend the next three days knee deep in mason jars pickling or canning things, so in a less literal sense and for my own personal hippie purposes my kind of preparations shall be Intentions. Basically, with the days eventually getting shorter and at some point the onslaught of cooler weather (gawd willing, I'm soooo over this L.A heat!) it's a time to go inside. That kind of hibernation is the beginning or rather a renewal of our root chakra energy.... oh yea, I totally just went chakra on your ass ;-)  The seeds we plant now, whether real or metaphorical will be strengthened by their time in the 'dark.' It's important with those of the metaphorical/metaphysical variety that we are very C L E A R in what we want to see emerge, and watch our language... avoiding the overuse of the negative, i.e what we don't want to see happen. Focus on what you DO WANT to happen. I'm as guilty of this as anyone, more so probably!
      That is why when Chelle, DeLise and I go camping next weekend for the full moon I have made the executive decision to change our protocol. As one would naturally and correctly assume we have happily surrendered symbols of things we no longer want in our lives. And while there is a definite power in watching unwanted photos, letters, bills, clothes, CDs, jewelery, even a Barbie (yep that was one was mine, and you can't even begin to imagine how fast that fucker melted)  completely disintegrate it recently occurred to me that even with that sense of empowerment that old energy was still being released back into the ethers and possibly attracting more of the same. NO BUENO! ...NO MORE! We shall now throw in symbols of what we do want to attract, letting the smoke carry those 'prayers' up and out.  For example, I will be burning a copy of the acceptance letter for the publication of Last Call in that online journal (which is online now by the way: = more acceptance letters!
If anyone would like to be brought into the circle and have a wish-list put into this magically delicious Three Graces created pyre of power, email it to me! I'm quite serious. We witchy women don't mess around :-)  When we really tap in, we are powerful mainfestors... 

 I mean, 'Hello?' does this photo not say it all?!

 Whether you choose to be at our ceremony (in spirit) or not, do consider taking this time to think about these next four months and what adjustments or preparations you might need to make.


Wednesday, September 12, 2012


       After the realization that I was a complete jerk (at least unconscious and inconsiderate) in my last post by letting my enthusiasm get the better of me and running my mouth off about things I should have kept to myself or within a much tighter circle, I deleted it…. Moving on --
What’s FASCINATING is the blog that took it’s place and without my knowledge resent itself at something like 1:35am today. The post (Le Magic) was from January 15, the first after returning from my trip.
Some of you got it, some did not…. even more curious. My first thought was “Mayhaps, there is something in that particular post that they need to read again and revisit.” My second thought was, “ Mayhaps there is something I need to revisit.”* Ahem, obviously….I have read it a couple times actually because there were a few things that caught my attention.
The first being my decision to continue the blog because, “ I am now and forever a rover. More importantly I'm a writer…”This is true, but it especially struck me to see these words as I am finally creating work with Rina for Daughter of Zion using MY words. Also, there is a fast approaching deadline for a writing fellowship I want so badly it physically aches and is a taste I can’t get out of my mouth. (in a good way of course)
I went to yoga to shake off the ickiness from my faux paux and returned home, completely powered down my phone (crazy right?!) and sat in front of my computer for the next 3 ½ hours working on my 40 page submission packet. Technically, I can either send one printed volume and up to 20 additional pages of my most recent work OR simply 40 pages. I went the printed volume and 20+ pages route last time, so I thought I’d change it up. While the application says it is open to everyone, what they’re really saying is, ‘BUT we only give it to seasoned poets, published in the likes of Harvard and Yale Review, who are also tenured professors… but suuuure go ahead and send us your stuff.” Right. Time to talk strategy. THIS year I’m going to try and get some credible recommendations from some seasoned, published writer and/or professor types. Obviously, said fancy pants peeps would have actually like my work and that’s a WHOLE other ball of wax. And gawd bless the fact that I have such a rockin’ entourage because I’ve already had four offers of “Yea, I can send it to so and so…” Fingers crossed people, fingers fucking crossed!!
But I have gone waaaaay off topic, so back to the blog.

Second, was my statement regarding L.A; “This is my 11th year as an Angeleno and I'm proud of that! I may even end up staying another 11 years, but I know now that if being in L.A stops serving me I will not hesitate to move on. Whereas before I would've said, 'NO L.A is my home, period.' If I learned nothing else on my trip (and of course I did) it's that I can be home anywhere....and I'm a Cancer so that's huge!! It’s funny because last week I felt my first earthquake. In 11 years of being here, I’ve heard people say plenty of times “Did you feel the tremor?” and I never did. It was as if that tremor officially made me a native. In my excited retelling, someone interestingly pointed out that it could be a sign that I wasn’t done with L.A yet or that I had just experienced everything it has to offer. Hmmmmmm. Time will tell.

The third thing that caught my eye was that yoga was what was helping me to ground and re-balance. To me this further emphasizes the need for me to stay on target with my goal of teacher training in 2013. I have already mentioned that March was when I wanted to do that 16 day intensive, but recently discovered while writing the 2013 content for our website that March is our busiest month of the year. Of course! The next training isn’t till June, and I realize that’s only a couple of months later but for some unshakable reason it feels TOO late. I really want to have it done before summer. I don’t know why I’m so attached to that idea, but I am. I’ve been advised to just stay open because another opportunity may show up in its place that’s even better. OR my job may just have to deal with a temp for those crazy busy 10 days in March. ….
**And then of course, because it was written right after Chelle and I drunkenly bought our Coachella tickets (best drunk decision EVER) I was joyously reminded that I already have my ticket for next year….only 8 months away baby!!!

all these things a happy Courtney make and each needs to remain a focus in order to feed the others.

Thank you Universe for re-publishing this post!