CCBella that is.... BOOM! I'm on YouTube ya'll.... as of tonight!!! Whaaa whaaaat!
I went back over the first 4 episodes today and after re-filming the 3rd one for the 3rd time (I explain why) I made them all public. Yikesabee! There is a 5th one dedicated to my niece but I'm saving that for Halloween, muuahahaha :-)
I have to say that I really am in awe and incredibly grateful to Manchester for
A) pushing me to do this
2) lending me all the equipment
C) sending me all kinds of trouble-shooting links
4) being such a supportive and objectively critical pair of eyes after each upload...
I still have no idea why he took such an interest in seeing me follow through on this. I mean, yes of course, we're friends but anyone else would've probably just offered the suggestion but then let it go after my first round of hemming and hawing and expertly crafted stalling techniques and excuses.... not to mention the second round. Instead, he more or less hounded me about it constantly at work and outside of work and then like I said, during my Brighton Breakdown Zombie Apocalypse week from hell he got REALLY persistent and I finally gave in. I gave in 2 more times and by the third video, I was hooked. Gawd, I really am an ego-maniac! hahahaha ...an ego-maniac and a performance whore. *Sigh of acceptance*
Seriously though, I'm not sure why I am enjoying this so much. I guess because a part of it reminds me of being in therapy... that safe space where you completely have the floor to just ramble and work shit out. I'm not saying I don't have that space with my friends, I do, but at some point it's obnoxious to go on and on about yourself. (I'm sorry if I do that too much!)I also find myself offering a fair amount of advice to people in my life, not unsolicited mind you....(or at least I hope I'm not that preachy asshole.) Let's just say that one of my best girls calls me Dr. Trowman.
I guess I don't know. I need to look at it more closely as to why and how this is feeding me. All I know is that it is. It's fun and healing at the same time. I pray to gawd though that I make at least one other person (OTHER than my mother) smile and look at their own life. I hope I'm saying things that will resonate with people, whether it's my poetry or my humble life experiences.
I have no idea how long I will keep at this, but the bottom line is that it is serving me now, and so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Manchester!
I am still finding my way with the whole thing. I was at least gifted with the brilliant tag line of "Life, Love and Literature" --- thanks again T, you fuckin nailed it! Because so far those three things are the through thread of all my videos.... I ramble, hopefully charmingly, throw out some pearls of wisdom and then put you to sleep with my poetry. Oh yea, I'm totally going viral with this shit! -- hahaha! In order to comfort my more methodical and planning side, I would like to settle on more of a true format. I can't seem to adhere to a particular length of time. The first one was 10 1/2 min, the second 7, the third one is 30... and trust me that is the length it is meant to be because I filmed that bastard 3 times and each time it was somewhere between 22-30 min, and the 4th and 5th one are 20 something as well. I also don't want to just go on and on about my own stuff.... I'd like to see if I can get people to contribute topic ideas, poem ideas, art ideas or even situations in which they'd like some advice. I asked my 11 yr old niece if she wanted or needed any advice, and so like I said my 5th video addresses those very issues. Maybe I'll move more into my art for a couple, talk more about my first ever experience creating work for the dance company, my favorite books, and/or a music whore's insider guide to seriously good tunes...?
Watch them and let me know what ya'll think... honesty and inspiration is always welcome here :-)
If you click on the green link at the top it will take you to 'Episode 1 ... WTF am I doing?' or just search YouTube for CCBella Says...
Love, Hugs, and other 'drugs'