Thursday, July 11, 2013

They Say It's My Birthday...

    They say it's my birthday this week... Sunday actually. For the first time in my soon to be 33 years I'm not bouncing over the moon excited and spastically planning every millisecond of the entire month to commemorate the sacred 24 hours. They also say there is a first time for everything. Side note, I'm not sure who this quintessential 'they' is, but let's welcome them to this little soiree as they seem to already be contributing quite a bit ;-)
    For my nearest and dearest, it's been rather strange that I didn't have the itinerary for July 1-31 already printed out and laminated 3 months ago. It was in Brighton that Rina looked at me in surprise one day and said, "Wait, what are we doing for your birthday?" I honestly hadn't thought about it once all year. In that moment, looking at the 'Why?' I realized it was because ALL my time and energy had been devoted to just getting me to Brighton. Beyond that, it was a blank canvas. Now, after having had, literally, the time of my life the excitement and spas-tastic quality still hasn't shown up. Pourqoui? I have been pondering this since my return actually, and it has taken me till this week to even begin to pinpoint a reason....not that there needs to be one of course, but this is me, soooooo..... yea, there kinda does.
At first I thought, is this just me becoming a normal person about a day that millions of other people can lay claim to and/or reaching that point of not finding the same joy in getting older? That wasn't it though. A) I will never be a 'normal' person and Secondly) Getting older is a luxury some people never get so No, that definitely wasn't it.
     I recently read a Facebook musing from my goddess of inspiration Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat,Pray, Love). She was confessing a startling realization that she and a girlfriend shared about not relaxing into happiness, to paraphrase. She talked about her happy marriage, her successful career, her amazing friends, etc and yet she realized she was almost holding her breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. This woman has an eery knack for taking my breath away in truth and making me cry in exposure....but in the best way of course. THAT was it.
I am happier than I've possibly ever been. I am proud of who I am, what I've learned and accomplished thus far, what I still have yet to do. I have an amazingly loving and supportive family and the greatest friends in the history of friends, bar none.... not to mention I am about to make my dream of the last 7 years of moving to the UK a reality....AND I have met the man with whom I want to share my life.  So like Elizabeth, I hate to even admit that I'm holding my breath even the tiniest bit. I do tend to subscribe to the belief that our thoughts manifest our reality, yada yada yada... so I hesitate to speak or rather write this out loud because I certainly do not want said proverbial 'other shoe' to drop. I am admitting to this because Elizabeth, her friend and I cannot be alone in this and I'd rather get it up and out and LET IT GO than let it fester inside and create real problems...i.e that oh so unattractive human tendency of self sabotage. I now realize that I was keeping my birthday ecstasy on the down low because I was still processing this ridiculously amazing downpour of blessings; allowing my heart and mind the time and space to fully receive them. It's like Arizona irrigation. I remember living in Phoenix whilst going to ASU and they (again with the 'they') would flood all the trees, plants, lawns in the middle of the night and even as I walking to class the next day the ground was still in the process of soaking up all the water. Seriously though who can relate to what I've said?
Since reading Elizabeth's confession I've been able to breath a little deeper and sink a little further into the arms of all these gifts....specifically the arms of my man. TomGong, even at 5000 miles away, every single day lives up to his superhero name by reminding me of the definition of a true partnership. In my last post, I told you there was more to that story... ;-)
Even since just typing this out, I feel freer .... and dare I say it.... more excited about my birthday!

    So then what ARE my plans for this weekend? The Grease Sing-a-long at the Hollywood Bowl Saturday night of course!! Sunday will be mellow, reflective, and full of gratitude... a little yoga, mayhaps a hike, an afternoon of exploring the tide pools at Free Zuma most likely and then dinner with the 'wife', Chelle ;-) 
Actually I do plan on gifting myself a little treat. In my self study and reconnaissance for this post, I looked up the anniversary theme for 33, and it is amethyst. This is telling and profound in so many ways, but I'll just share a couple. First of all, amethyst's main 'super-power' is protection (spiritual, emotional, mental and physical) which is perfect as I embark on this long awaited journey across the pond toward the new life and adventures that await me on the other side. Secondly, Tom and I didn't see each for 10 days after first meeting, but we talked (ok, texted) all day every day allowing us to quickly become good friends. Just 5 days in, I got the intuitive hit that I wanted to buy him a piece of amethyst. I thought myself quite strange for it actually, but went with the impulse anyway. I'm soooooo glad I did. I gave it to him the next time I saw him and even though I didn't necessarily understand why I was buying it in the moment, I got it like a ton of bricks when I gave it to did he. Something clicked, and the amethyst just scooped us up into its protective bubble. We've been more or less inseparable ever since. Soooo yeeeaaaa, thinkin I'm gonna do me some crystal shoppin'  :-)

Like how I slyly slipped in the bomb about moving? I will leave the details of all that for next time as I am still in the early stages of it anyway.

Till next time kids.... Love, Hugs, and other 'Drugs'