Thursday, March 20, 2014

Looking to Spring from my Slump

     Happy Spring Equinox everyone!

*Before I dive right in, it has come to my attention, albeit covertly, that I may have a new reader or two. To you I say, "Welcome to The Rover!" Don't be shy, feel free to drop me a line, and if you like what you read please spread the word.

      The timing of a new season, this season in particular, one that speaks of sun, new life and growth could not have arrived at a better time. I am also hoping that the equally well-timed full moon before St. Patrick's Day is a whispering of rainbows and a pot of gold. I say all this because this job search, or rather this epically failing job search is officially ridiculous right now. To be fair and optimistic, I do have a lead on teaching some yoga classes for a local personal training business. Yay! However, it's looking like that may still be a month or two down the line. *Sigh
What pushed the job search over the line from "Geez, I never thought it would take this long." to "Whaaaaaaatttt the FUCK is going on?" were the two rejection emails I got this week. Both of these jobs were part-time, basic, administrative positions....with theatre companies! See?! ....Exactly. Both of those jobs combined the best of all my work history, so how in the world did I not even get called for an interview?! I met all their desired criteria and made that clear in my charming, enthusiastic yet professional cover letters citing specific experience and scenarios. Sooooooo? Again I say, WTF?! I'm at a loss. I've tried re-wording my CV. I've switched to British English spellings. I've translated my US education info into UK friendly lingo. I've asked for feedback. At this point, I'm inclined to say with all seriousness that my nationality is working against me. Mayhaps I need to start practicing my Canadian accent. "I'm soory to hear aboot the job." When so many people are applying for one job, I can easily understand that a quick way to narrow the shortlist would be to boot a foreigner. I know they have some kind of Equal Opportunities Monitoring bullshit here because I have to fill out that form along with each and every application, but come on. I'm not saying it's a discrimination thing really, just that maybe it's easier to go with someone who automatically spells prioritize with an s, program with two m's and an e, and who grew up with the metric system but without that annoying American habit of enthusiasm and optimism. 
That or the Universe really does not want me to be working right now because of some other grand plan. I'm trying to be patient and open if it is the latter.  I've even tried testing the waters here in regards to my poetry, entering contests and reaching out to writing/reading groups. Nope, they hate my poetry too.
     Like I said, I do have that yoga opportunity to look forward to but I'm focusing on the present. In a month or so, that will be great. I'm stuck in the apartment NOW though. Ok, stuck is too harsh. I'm not chained up in here. It just doesn't feel right to spend money I don't have to go out exploring. I would feel guilty I wasn't at home looking for and applying to jobs. Besides, since I seem to be unemployable the only thing I can do to contribute to the relationship is to hold down the home front. I've resurrected my cooking skills and gotten creative, perfected the ongoing laundry rotation, and remembered how to iron a shirt within an inch of its life. (I don't even know what that means other than I make that shit look gooooood.) I'm more than happy to do all that because TomGong and I are a team, and it also makes me feel of some use.  It's not enough though. It nurtures our relationship which in turn nurtures me. But I also need something that feeds just me. (And that isn't to say, we never do anything. We have tons of fun on the weekends, and recently saw a grrrreat Fitz and the Tantrums show in London.)
     Basically, I'm in a slump....still or again, I'm not sure. Hence my excitement for Spring and the hope it hopefully brings with it. I read an article in The Telegraph about a '100 days of happy' challenge. It's as simple as it sounds. You find something that makes you happy every day for 100 days, and using the social media platform of your choice post a picture of it. I figured, "Why the hell not?" I always write what I'm grateful for in my journal, but this may push me a bit more to find things in my current situation and surroundings that make me happy. If it's shifts the energy, I'm on board. I've also started a spring clean diet, smudged the apartment with sage, and am in the process of coloring my hair in new fun ways.
     The thought that keeps coming back to me is what if this is supposed to be another Santa Barbara year? In 2007, I tore out of Los Angeles like a banshee and moved to Santa Barbara virtually sight unseen. It was a very difficult year for me. I couldn't find work, and I never quite found my groove no matter how much I put myself out there. In the end though, it hit a re-set button in my life. I realized who my friends really were back in Los Angeles. I met my only Santa Barbaran friend, Steve. Most importantly though, I met Rina and joined the dance company that would change my life forever. I owe much of where I am today to her, that experience... and a little to my own chutzpah. 
        I guess for now though, I have no choice but to bear this tension and continue to be patient.

Love, Hugs, and Other 'Drugs'